Tuesday, 22 January 2013

The Offending Doctor

Dear Friends

Once again.....I am offended.  Yes, offended.  This time by my doctor.

I know what you are thinking..... You are thinking, here is a neurotic woman, who gets easily offended.  But wait before you judge.

This is how I came to sit in front of the offending medical practitioner.

Yesterday I went to my doctor to address the problem of my bloated stomach.  My dear husband pointed it out on several occasions, saying I should try to pull my stomach muscles in when standing.  I tried but my stomach stubbornly stayed exactly where it was.  My husband then made the mistake of mentioning middle age spread.  (PS...that is what got him paying for the personal trainer in the first place.  I am sure he will think twice before mentioning, my middle age spread again)

Anxiously I was telling the doctor about how hard and bloated my stomach was, and how I thought I might have a cyst or a growth of some kind in my stomach.  (I do this... I diagnose myself and analyse what might happen to me because of my self invented diagnosis)

He smiled his perfect, reassuring smile and said.....wait for it.....

`I know exactly what your problem is!  So many ladies of your age have it.'  There are so many things about that statement that bothers me. But I will limit myself with two.
1.  How old does he think I am?  Fifty?  Sixty?
2.  Am I considered old enough to qualify for certain illnesses?

Turns out he diagnosed me with spastic colon and started tapping my stomach on various places to demonstrate his point.  But wait...my I am not done being offended!

I asked him if it might not be a little bit of fat and not a spastic colon.  No, no he said seriously while pushing on my stomach...your spastic colon has a hard feeling to it and see here, he said with a few last taps on my stomach...YOUR FAT IS SOFT.

And with the information that my spastic colon is hard and my fat is soft, I left his office and phoned my personal trainer.

Sunday, 13 January 2013

Sissie, Mammie, Gogo or Tannie?

Hi there everyone!

I am offended, highly offended.

In the past week several car guards called me Mammie when thanking me for my contribution when I left  the car park.  It used to be Sissie.  How did that happen, what seems like overnight?  One day I wake up as a Sissie and then go to bed being a Mammie.

What this tells me, is that I am ageing in an obvious way.  This morning I nearly asked my money back after the Mammie comment!  What's next?  Will I be called Gogo?  If that happens in the near future, you will be reading about me in the newspaper and I don't mean in a good way.  (Car guard confused after being assulted by unknown lady shouting `I am not a Mammie!')

Another example of my rapid ageing was at church this morning.  I was in such a lovely mood after the sermon.  Lovely...the goodness and happiness in my heart showed on my face. I shared a wonderful cup of tea with my fellow church members. I even decided to compliment the lovely young lady on her tea making skills, which I did as I was handing my empty cup back.

Then...all the goodness and kindness that I was giving a place in my heart disappeared like it never existed!  The young (not so lovely anymore) lady replied with a sweet smile `It is a pleasure Tannie!'

Where will this all end?

 With another round of Botox I suppose.

Wednesday, 9 January 2013

Woolworths + grapes + bra = embarrassment

Dear friends

I had a slightly embarrassing encounter at Woolworths yesterday.  I have recovered enough to actually talk about it.

I always have this plan to just go into Woolworths for two or so items.  That's the plan.....but as we all know it is not easy to stick to two items only when entering the food section.

To be exact, I wanted Rocket and Watercress for my low carb salad.  That is all.  That is why I made the decision not to take a basket as I did not need one for only two items.  Makes sense, if I did not know myself better. 

Oh, I had a black padded,push up bra on a hanger in my hands as well, but it did not count as it was hanging from one finger.

Needless to say, by the time I made my way to the pay point, I had the Rocket leaves, Watercress, a Pork Roast, Pork Ribs and two containers of grapes (there was a special on the grapes), and the bra in my hands.  I found it quite difficult to balance the whole lot, but I managed.....up to an unfortunate point, to keep it all under control.

The moment the grapes started slipping I knew there was a moment of embarrassment in my future.  I tried my best to save my purchases, but to no avail.  Each item (including the bra) chose a direction and landed on the floor.  The grapes in a particular noisy way and with that one of the containers opened and grapes started rolling away from me towards other paying customers.

What I still find really mind boggling is the fact that so many of them were separated from their original bunch!  I felt all eyes on me.  I started retrieving the run away grapes (some in bunches) in a hurry hoping that not too many people saw me.  But wait....do you really think it would go so smoothly from here?  Knowing me?  NOOOO....the gentleman behind me started helping me to round up the grapes which started having a life of their own.  Nice of him you would say.  The only problem I had was, that he started scooping up the ones which landed in my upside down, stand on its own bra cups and after finishing being so helpful and well mannered, handed me the grapes and the bra....still on its hanger.

My ears were burning and I could not make eye contact, but I managed a smile and a thank you and waited for the automated voice to say - `Next customer please'

Monday, 7 January 2013

Personal training nightmare

Hi Everyone

I am exhausted. Stiff and exhausted.

And....I am paying to feel this way.  Yes, you read that correctly.  I am paying to be chased around the gym, jumping on and off steps, doing lunges and basically losing my dignity.

Today my personal trainer's program included legs and bum training. How bad could it actually be, I was confidently thinking as I strode into the gym with my newly purchased gym outfit.

Well, I had a big shock awaiting me in one of the studios. Lunges combined with jumping up and down several steps stacked on top of each other.  At one point I was losing my balance so badly while I was supposed to do some serious leg lifting on top of this pyramid of steps that my poor personal trainer lost his balance in trying to keep me falling flat on my face!  (I must say...I commend him on his ultra swift responses!)
All the while trying to sound and look as lady like as possible.

I don't like this, I was thinking while I was staring at my red sweaty face in the mirror.  The groan that escaped me did not sound like anything a lady of good upbringing would utter, but by that time I did not care anymore. I wanted to go home and I did not want to be polite to my trainer anymore!

But like all things...the session came to an end and I managed a smile as I made my way across the parking lot towards my car.

No more whining until Wednesday then.....

Chat again soon!


Friday, 4 January 2013

The Return of Rosina

Hi Everyone!

Life is beautiful!  My wonderful housekeeping lady returned from her Christmas holiday in Lesoto!

Since early yesterday evening I started experiencing mild feelings of anxiety.  What if she decided not to return?  What if she decided that she doesn't like me anymore? 

I started analyzing (I am very good at that...ask my husband), what I might have done during 2012 that could  have offended her.  The only thing I could think of was, that she could not face another one of my Peanut Butter and Jam sandwiches that I make her for lunch.....everytime I see her.  I vowed that from this moment forward she will be getting toasted chicken mayonaise sandwiches.....or basically anything she desires.  I know she doesn't like vegetables at all (but that is a story for another time).

Over the festive season, we tried keeping the house neat and tidy, but obviously we didn't try hard enough.  The ironing is a totally different story...we didn't even try.  It is piled up to an amazing heap, that would make any sensitive person run for the hills!

Anyway....my fears were unfounded as she arrived promptly at 07h30 this morning, with her usual big, bright smile!  Oh....what a wonderful sight to behold!

As I unlocked the security gate for her I could only feel love and gratitude towards  my lovely Rosina!  As the gate swung open, I could not contain myself any longer....!  I had to give her a hug....well ok, it was more like an extended cuddle.

I must say,  she did look a bit uncomfortable, which turned into a look of nervousness when she realized that I was not about to let go.

She is busy ironing at the moment and I am considering giving her some Bioplus...that is if she is not allergic.

I better sign of now, as it is time for me to prepare her lunch. I will try one of Jamie Oliver's 30 minute meals today.

Speak to you all again soon!


Thursday, 3 January 2013

Life is really a lot funnier than you think!

Today is my very first entry as a full time blogger! I really hope that I can make you smile or even laugh out loud about everday happenings that we all experience in life but so often miss, over look or not appreciate.
See if you can relate to some of my experiences and situations!

Keep in mind that it is from my over 40 perspective, which could make for a few very funny stories!