The Offending Doctor

Dear Friends

Once again.....I am offended.  Yes, offended.  This time by my doctor.

I know what you are thinking..... You are thinking, here is a neurotic woman, who gets easily offended.  But wait before you judge.

This is how I came to sit in front of the offending medical practitioner.

Yesterday I went to my doctor to address the problem of my bloated stomach.  My dear husband pointed it out on several occasions, saying I should try to pull my stomach muscles in when standing.  I tried but my stomach stubbornly stayed exactly where it was.  My husband then made the mistake of mentioning middle age spread.  (PS...that is what got him paying for the personal trainer in the first place.  I am sure he will think twice before mentioning, my middle age spread again)

Anxiously I was telling the doctor about how hard and bloated my stomach was, and how I thought I might have a cyst or a growth of some kind in my stomach.  (I do this... I diagnose myself and analyse what might happen to me because of my self invented diagnosis)

He smiled his perfect, reassuring smile and said.....wait for it.....

`I know exactly what your problem is!  So many ladies of your age have it.'  There are so many things about that statement that bothers me. But I will limit myself with two.
1.  How old does he think I am?  Fifty?  Sixty?
2.  Am I considered old enough to qualify for certain illnesses?

Turns out he diagnosed me with spastic colon and started tapping my stomach on various places to demonstrate his point.  But wait...my I am not done being offended!

I asked him if it might not be a little bit of fat and not a spastic colon.  No, no he said seriously while pushing on my stomach...your spastic colon has a hard feeling to it and see here, he said with a few last taps on my stomach...YOUR FAT IS SOFT.

And with the information that my spastic colon is hard and my fat is soft, I left his office and phoned my personal trainer.